Goodbye, Eleanor

Saturday night, on May 10th at around 8pm, my sister Beth and I lost our mother Eleanor. She had been fighting cancer for the second time, this time it was too aggressive for her to overcome. I will miss her greatly and deeply saddened not to have had more time to say goodbye, but I am thankful her fight is over. I am thankful she knew she was loved. Rest in peace mom. I love you.

I lose the track that loses me

I don’t even know how to be introspective anymore. not without sounding like a broken record at least.

I’ve been kind of hurting inside lately. An out of control, out of peace feeling that I can’t seem to find a way to make it okay. I’m not happy with the things around me and I know I should be. I’m not happy about putting off the things I want due to obligation, fear, and expectations. Everything, and I mean everything seems to be coming to a head lately, and it’s been too much some days to take.

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John Wade

My father passed away in his sleep last night.
Despite everything between us, I loved him. I loved him deeply.

I’ll have more to say about this later, just not right now.